Finding the Good
We've had hard times in our marriage. No one who has been married this long came through unscathed! There are times in every marriage when you wonder if you'll be able to keep going. There are times when you wonder if you'll ever be able to be normal again.
A great key to bringing love back into a marriage in the midst of trouble, is to look for the good. There are people who think that the way to address problems in marriage is for each party to make a list of things they don't like that they want the other person to fix, but it is much more likely to do damage than to result in any repair. You'll fix more problems by encouraging good than you will by magnifying the negatives.
People love people who love them. If you focus on negatives, then you give yourself reasons to NOT love. This, in turn, encourages a reduction of love in your spouse.
Conversely, if you think hard, to find even ONE good thing a day, and then find some way to show that you noticed that good thing, your spouse feels loved, and you find reasons TO love. The relationship grows and builds, rather than being torn apart.
There are a few rules:
You have to actually find something real. No empty flattery.
Your comments should be natural, not forced. Saying "I noticed you did (fill in the blank)" every day is not going to help!
Compliments need not always be elaborate. Sometimes a simple hug in the middle of something good, or a quiet "Thank you" is far better.
Find the good. Find reasons to love, and find reasons to find joy together. Then communicate that to your spouse. The results can be miraculous.
Written by Laura Wheeler
Owner, Firelight Web Studio
http://www.firelightwebstudio.com
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