The Difference Between Love, and Ownership

Love allows agency to continue unhindered. It is not a tool of manipulation, but an expression of giving.

Lately we have seen a number of movies where situations are depicted with one spouse wanting one thing, and the other wanting something different. The accusation is made by one, that because they are not willing to give up what they want, that they are being selfish. No mention is made of the fact that the person making that accusation is being as selfish, or more selfish, than the person they are accusing!

In marriage, and families, there have always been historical roles which help us to understand when we should be the one to give in.

With a young child, obedience is required, so the parent is the one who has the final say.

When a child gets older though, most especially when they are in their later teen years, the parents should be the ones to let the child determine the course of their life beyond the home they are in now. Parents should, and must, still expect certain behaviors within the home, which is their right and responsibility, but parents should NOT choose for a child, or compel a child, to a certain course beyond their age of majority. It is the child's place to choose their career, course of study, living circumstances, etc, whether the parent thinks it is the best choice or not!

With a couple, it has historically been the wife's responsibility to follow the husband. This acceptance by women contributed to the stability of marriages and homes. It does not mean that there is no communication or discussion, or that she has no say in the matter, merely that if no agreement can be reached, she gives in gracefully, and puts the marriage ahead of her own preferences.

Likewise, it has been the responsibility of the husband to provide the primary means of support within the family. He had the responsibility to make good choices about his own career. Again, this did not mean he did not discuss it with his wife, just that he had the responsibility to choose wisely, and to have the final say.

Today, things are much more complex, but the concepts of choice, as opposed to ownership, are still applicable.

A wife has no right to control her husband's choice of career.

A husband has no right to choose his wife's activities either.

Both though, have a responsibility to choose with the good of the family as their first priority, and to compromise and communicate in a way that helps them keep the family intact.

And parents have every responsibility to place reasonable limits on their children, but not to force their children to be who they want them to be.

We do not own the people we love. We need to still respect their individuality, recognize their strengths, and give them the ability to choose their own future.

I have no patience with people who are granted that right, and then choose stupidly though. A woman who chooses to place her own career above the survival of her marriage is a fool. A man who makes choices that affect his wife, with no consideration for her input is also a fool. Family is about cooperation, and love is about working together to benefit both.

Written by Laura Wheeler
Owner, Firelight Web Studio
http://www.firelightwebstudio.com
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